Cotton Pony.

A conversation with my sister.

Me: Have you heard of a red tent party?

C: Perhaps. Explain.

Me: When a girl gets her first period, a bunch of women get together to celebrate it.

C: Yea, not what I was thinking.  That's weird.

Me: Not to mention embarrassing.

C: Very. Gross. Why do you know this?

Me: I saw on a website where you can buy a uterus pinata for one of these parties.

C: OMG I want one. I will put it in my living room every month when I get my period, and when the PMS or just crazy mood swings start, I'll take a bat to it and all my problems will disappear.  Plus, I'll get candy.

Me: Break it and a bunch of tampons fall out. Happy day.

C: Screw tampons. I want nerds and jolly ranchers.

Me: Jolly ranchers?

C: I like to suck on them at work. Cherry...yum. And it's red! Oh the irony! So the candy I want would be all red inspired - those cherry/lemon nerds. Watermelon and cherry jollies. Original flavor bubblegum.

Me: Should I throw you a belated red tent party then?

C: I am out of candy so YES please.

Me: I'll make the invites: "Caitlin's on the rag, come bitch it out with her...and get candy."

C: I hate "on the rag".  It's not elegant and inviting. Something more like "Caitlin is reminded once again that she is a woman, and the high levels of estrogen needs to be calmed by consuming candy. Plus, she could use a good shoulder to cry on. All haters need not RSVP."

Me: Aunt Flow is coming to town, come get candy? A crimson tsunami has reached the shores, celebrate with candy.

C: Aunt Flow cordially invites you to an evening of candy for her friend, Caitlin.

Me: It's Caitlin's time of the month, free candy and cotton pony rides.

C: Crimson tsunami. So poetic. Eww to the cotton pony.

Me: Tuesday is party cloudy, but Wednesday is looking very red.

C: Long periods of flowing showers, expected to last 2-3 days.

Me: Gross. Anyways, I would have died if I had to have one of these parties.

C: Mom would have had one for you.

Me: I know! Overhearing her ask the librarian where she could find a book about women's bodies was bad enough.

C: Bahahahaha! No wonder you're fucked up.